Sometimes I like to write to just release what ever has been building up inside. I normally get like this just before I turn a year older, because I normally sit and reflect on what I accomplished over the past year and what I still need to accomplish.
Turning 20something this year has really hit me hard with thinking about life and the future. I’m not getting any younger…and then I find my self-wondering what it is that I’m exactly doing and trying to accomplish with my life.
I mean I have a plan but what am I doing to accomplish my plan. I find in life, when you get comfortable you forget about everything else that you had planned out for yourself and your future.
All the people in your life pushing you to your goals and all the people in your life holding you back.
All the friends that come and go (only come when they need something) and the friends and are there through good and bad.
Acquaintances that you mistake for friends, friends that you mistake for best friends.
The men that come and go as they please, the ones that are keepers but you think their not and the non-keepers that you mistake for keepers.
All the times you say to yourself
“I wish I didn’t do that”
Or
“I regret doing that” yet you find yourself doing the same thing over and over again.
Certain things happen in your life for a reason.
Certain people come into your life for a reason.
I believe everything that happens to you in life is for a reason. Your future has already been written. But then you think to yourself…if its already been written…was this moment in my life already written to?
This moment of feeling lost?
This moment of feeling confused?
This moment of feeling unsure?
Was all this already written for me?
Don’t get me wrong…there is nothing specific wrong with my life right now, I’m grateful for having good health, loving family, good friends, good job and I’m in no way ungrateful for what I have, however I’m just questioning certain things and things that I want to be different. Wanting to know if where I am is where I saw myself 5 years ago and where do I see myself 5 years from now. I obviously want more, its what keeps me driven and going, but at the same time have I gotten lazy / conformable and stopped pushing myself? Have I lost my drive?